I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
