Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
