you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
