apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
