things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
