Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
