I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
