somebody snuck up and got me drunk
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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