Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
