Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
