We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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