so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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