Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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