Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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