Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Your dad touched me again.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's blow job season.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
