My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
