She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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