I think I won the penis lottery.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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