who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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