So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
