I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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