"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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