I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
