I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
