it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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