so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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