also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
