youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
