So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
