Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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