Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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