What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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