I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
