some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
