I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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