You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
