You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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