I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
