That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
