Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
