Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My dick has a subreddit
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
