Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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