he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We have started to decorate penises.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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