got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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