Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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