Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Help. Why am I so naked?
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