i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
