You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
