im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
