Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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