Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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