420 ftw
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
