There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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