I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
