I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize