Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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