Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
