Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
