I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
