This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
