Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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