That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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