throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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